Darwinian Drving--Survival of the Fastest

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Darwinian Driving
--Survival of the Fastest

Click for "Darwin Awards!" a "celebration of those who have 'improved our gene pool by removing themselves from it in a sublimely idiotic fashion.' --AudioFile Magazine"

After driving in America, where cops give tickets for something as trivial as making another driver hit their brakes (for any reason), driving in China may seem to lack rhyme or reason. But after driving almost 200,000 km. around China I've come to see driving in China is merely a matter of, “Darwinian Driving—Survival of the Fastest.”

Darwinian Driving is immensely logical and practical—especially in a nation of 1.3 billion people, where auto warfare does double duty as population control. China had almost 100,000 traffic fatalities in 2005 alone. (In our 40,000 km. drive to Tibet and back in 1994, we saw a serious accident, on average, every 15 miles; Click here for that tale).

Survival is simply a matter of knowing the rules...
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Six Rules of Darwinian Driving

1. First has right of way—whether driver or pedestrian. This is why buses, cement trucks a Darwinian Driving Diagonal Blocking Tactic; if possible, stop car so as to block cars from all directions. You're not going anywhere so why should they? Amoy Magic--Guide to Xiamen and Fujian. Http://www.amoymagic.com nd 18-wheelers careen blindly out of side streets without slowing down--right into the path of oncoming traffic. If they are hit by another vehicle, they are innocent because they were there first (obviously—or they would not have been hit). Of course, if they hesitate, the oncoming traffic with the so-called ‘right of way’ will speed up to cut them off. This is logical. Even as we must take every opportunity to cut in front of others, it is imperative we also prevent them from doing the same to us. It is a matter of the Golden Rule: do unto others, but do it first. For example, if your car breaks down, be sure to stop in an intersection, preferably diagonally so you can block as much traffic as possible. After all, you’re not going anywhere, so neither should the competition. And when making left turns, do it from the far right lane—but do it fast, because of rule #2.

2. He who hesitates is lost. Physics suggests only two objects may occupy one space at a time, even when local governments paint conflicting traffic arrows like those to the left (which help accelerate Darwinian selection).
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Of course, sorting out who is first can get sticky, especially when five cars abreast try to enter a two lane road. If none hesitate, all may usually merge nicely using the Zipper Tactic, though at times this Darwinian Driving Zipper Tactic--foolproof method for cars five-abreast to merge into one lane--though sometimes the zipper gets stuck. Amoy Magic--Guide to Xiamen and Fujian. Http://www.amoymagic.com formation does come unzipped. To insure the zipper moves smoothly, it is crucial to avoid hesitation, as well as that peculiar Western weakness known as ‘defensive driving.’

3. Offensive, not defensive driving. General Patton said, “A good offense is always the best defensive.” It gives you a psychological edge. I learned this the hard way. When I edged to the right to let large trucks pass me on mountain roads, they interpreted it as weakness and ran me off the road. Now I hog the middle till the bitter end. (Chinese call this ‘hero car;’ Americans call it ‘playing chicken’—though here, no one is playing).

4. Don’t pander to pedestrians (lest you get them killed) Pedestrians have no qualms in stepping right in front of a car without looking. Indeed, they will deliberately not look, or even look the other way. This is because they know that 1) First has right of way, 2) Only one object can occupy a space at a time, and 2b) If they occupy that space first and you run them down, they will retire on the lawsuit. If they are killed, their entire extended family will retire on the lawsuit, and worship their ashes forever on the ancestral shelf. This explains why pedestrians ignore wide sidewalks and walk down the middle of busy streets. They seek retirement. Hence rule 5…
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5. Avoid so-called Courtesy or Caution—especially with pedestrians, lest we get them killed. In my formative years, I often stopped for old ladies and women with babies. They invariably hesitated, suspicious of my motives. The few who did get the nerve to cross were nearly run down by the vehicles that raced around me from behind. So give no quarter . But in all you do, avoid looking the opponent in the eye.

6. Face is foremost. It is hard for Americans to fathom how Chinese drivers and pedestrians keep so calm while waging war on each other. In America, road rage is so endemic that people get shot simply for tapping their horn or looking the wrong way at an opponent. But Chinese avoid such extremities by avoiding direct eye contact. This keeps warfare impersonal, allowing both parties to save face during no-holds barred battle. It is a unique ability, honed over 5,018* years by hundreds of millions of people co-existing in cramped quarters.

Lesson? Relax, enjoy, and don’t take it personally. Once the rules of the road are understood, driving in China is as easy as in America—and lots more fun. With cars, who needs Nintendo or Gameboy? ... Dr. Bill, Xiamen University

[*5018 years of history? I was told China had 5,000 years of history--but that was 18 years ago.]

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